TTC, Infertility & IVF Support for Colorado WomenYou want a baby so bad it physically hurts.
And you’re so tired of pretending you’re fine.
Online or in-person therapy for women in Colorado who are trying to conceive, trying again after a loss, or somewhere in the middle of fertility treatment - and are exhausted in a way that “just relax” can’t touch.
You're pissed that another friend just announced her pregnancy. And then you immediately feel like a horrible friend, because you should be happy for her.
Tracking has become part of your daily routine, and you feel like you're slowly losing your mind. Everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant - except you. And you can't stop asking yourself, what's wrong with me?
If you aren't trying, you're waiting. Then testing. Then waiting again. All while dreading the bathroom and the sight of your period starting…again.
The waves of hope and disappointment, dread, anticipation and grief are exhausting. Some days you wonder if you can survive another month of this.
Whether you're trying to conceive for the first time, trying again after a loss, or somewhere on the fertility treatment path - trying to get pregnant is genuinely hard. And when it doesn't work, your brain starts writing stories to try and make sense of why.
You are not broken. You're surviving a process designed to make you feel like you are.
When getting pregnant becomes another problem to figure out and solve
At some point, trying to get pregnant can stop feeling like something you're doing and start feeling like a problem you're responsible for solving. So your brain gets to work…
You wonder…
Maybe I need to track more.
Maybe we’re timing it wrong.
Maybe I should change what I’m eating.
Should I be taking something else?
What if my doctor is missing something?
Should I ask for more testing?
Maybe we need another opinion.
What if we wait too long?
What if I’m not advocating for myself enough?
So you research. You track. You Google. You read the Reddit threads. You compare lab numbers. You calculate dates. You make lists of questions for your doctor.
Because underneath all of that effort is a terrifying thought:
What if there is something I could be doing that would make this work - and I'm missing it?
And then, there's the absolute mindf*ck of being told that stress isn't good for fertility.
So now, on top of everything else, you're trying to be chill enough about desperately wanting a baby, that you don't somehow prevent yourself from having one.
The grief underneath all that trying
Every unsuccessful month isn't experienced as simply one more month you're not pregnant. It can feel like one less month you have left to become pregnant.
And that’s different.
That's why "take a break from trying" doesn't necessarily feel relaxing. And why waiting three months for the next appointment can feel unbearable. It’s why “we can always try again” might not feel reassuring.
Time itself has started to feel threatening.
And meanwhile, you're grieving something that hasn't definitively been lost. You don't know that you won't become a mother. You desperately hope you will.
So how exactly are you supposed to grieve something you're still fighting like hell to have? And does grieving somehow mean that you’ve given up?
What support through TTC, Infertility & IVF with me looks like
When your life is already consumed by tracking, planning, scheduling, timing “romantic” moments around your fertile window, and going to yet another appointment - the idea of scheduling one more thing might put you over the edge. I get that.
This is one of the main reasons I offer telehealth throughout Colorado. You can log in from your car in a parking lot between appointments, or from home on a day you can’t face getting dressed. If you’d rather be in a room together, or just need to get away from your house, I also see clients in person in Broomfield, Colorado.
When it comes to TTC and fertility, there is an unspoken understanding that life might be shitty at the moment, so I'm not here to sugar coat that. I will never tell you to “just stop worrying about trying to get pregnant.” That’s not helpful, and it minimizes what you are going through. I'm also not going to pretend that talking about how hard this is will magically make it less hard.
Our work is figuring out what your brain is doing with the uncertainty.
Our work together might include:
Noticing when researching is helping you feel informed, and when it's keeping you stuck in the fertility rabbit hole
Making a medical decision when there isn't one obviously "right" answer
Advocating for yourself without feeling responsible for personally catching everything your doctors might miss
Noticing when Worry Brain wants one more search, one more check, one more opinion before it will let you rest
Making room for anger, jealousy and resentment without deciding those feelings make you a bad person
Living in a body you might currently feel betrayed by
Continuing to build your actual life while you keep working toward the one you thought you'd have by now
This work is for you as an individual navigating this experience. If it becomes clear that couples counseling would help too, I'm glad to point you toward the right therapist for that.
What getting better can actually look like
I truly hate that I can’t promise you that you will get pregnant. And a lot of the work we’ll do together is learning how to sit inside a genuinely shitty situation without letting it take over everything else.
Getting better doesn't mean wanting a baby less. It doesn't mean infertility suddenly stops hurting. And it definitely doesn't mean becoming so Zen that another negative test doesn't affect you.
It means infertility no longer gets to demand every available piece of you.
You can desperately want to become a mother without believing you have to spend every waking moment making sure you've done everything humanly possible to make it happen.
You can make a decision without reopening it seventeen times. You can have hope without demanding certainty. You can feel jealous without deciding you're a horrible friend.
You can decide that today's pregnancy announcement is too much, protect yourself from it, and still believe you’re doing this right. You can grieve this month without believing you won't survive the next one.
And you can start building a life that matters to you now - while you keep wanting the baby who isn’t here yet.
What becomes possible
Picture the two-week wait. Same uncertainty. Same waiting. Except this time, it’s not the only thing running your entire nervous system.
Checking the app because you're curious, not because you're spiraling
Going to your friend's baby shower and letting yourself leave early if you need to, without guilt
Asking your doctor a hard question without rehearsing it forty times first
Noticing the "what's wrong with me" thought and not automatically believing it
Having a hard day about this without it swallowing the whole day
Wanting this as much as ever, and still having a life outside of it
Some days will still be hard. This process doesn't get easier just because you're in therapy. You just don't have to carry it entirely alone.
You don’t have to sit in this uncertainty alone.
Ready for support?
STEP ONE
Schedule a free 20-minute virtual consultation so we can talk about where you’re at and see if we’re a good fit.
STEP TWO
Meet with Annika Papke for your first session.
STEP THREE
Start building space between you and the fertility rabbit hole, without giving up the hope that got you here.
You can want this baby with everything in you and still deserve a life that isn't only about waiting.